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| I'm in the process of making a new Xanga. I have a few good reasons, but it mostly just comes down to the need to seal this away like my old Diaryland blog. I have over 1100 days on this particlar xanga, as it reminds me whenever I log in. Thats a whole lot of entries... Thinking back, I've used this thing for lots of purposes. Interrestingly, it first purpose was as a place to chronicle Yugioh decks, strategies, and needed cards back in my Junior year at bell. That is where the name "Skyheavendragon" comes from - my favorite card. After that, this blog was used as a place to collect love poetry which I then showed to my ex on her birthday as an accessory to her gift... Corny and quickly forgotten considering the amount of time put into that. After breaking up with her I ripped that apart, deleted the old posts, and turned it into a blog to replace my Diaryland, which I had used to vent my entire soul previously. I abandoned that and came here at a major point in my life... cuz I'm a nut for symbolism. Also, very importantly, Xanga lets me make easy layouts that can be produced in minutes as compared to the HTML I had to use with Diaryland. Well, for some reason this Xanga stopped letting me use custom backgrounds and my creative instinct is suffering. Also, I would like to be rid of the name... And lastly I would like to seal away some of my more shameful moments in this blog so they are saved, but not relived day to day. What I do from this day forward will be chronicled in a new Xanga called Finalplague_Trinity, a site that is still under construction. I havent decided on a layout yet, but I hope that soon it will be up and with some new annoying background music and obnoxious colors that most readers hate ^_^ Thanks for following along this far. I'm sure things will only get better from here.
And because I cant end anything without something reflective, I've picked this one to summarize one of the things I've learned:
"non est ad astra mollis e terris via"
"There is no easy way from the earth to the stars".
...But I'll find the way.
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| I'm not usually like this... I know... but while I'm in the mood I might as well get it out... I wont delete this one or make it private. This one has to stay as a testament to my truth.
I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of being fake. I'm tired of putting up a good face. I'm tired of pretending. I'm tired of looking forward. I'm tired of... not being real and being true to myself. The only real things that I say publicly are what I want to be read, and thats not the purpose of this journal. I used to write so unabashed about everything, no matter the consequences... Looking back at my older posts, I realize that I've lost that bit of courage. At this moment I'm weak and will let it all be laid plain to see, although I will regret it later.
I've secretly been living 3 lives. One of a shy if not somewhat awkward student with few friends and less dreams. The second of a popular, happy, and outgoing guy who is actually a sort of chick magnet although still somewhat awkward... The third is living in the past, clinging to dreams and beliefs that have long since been bereft of any affirmation. Which do you think is the real me?
Well the point is that I cant do it anymore. I hate being fake and I hate pretending. I hate not being who I want to be and knowing that I'm hiding. All three of these are failing me. The first is losing sight of goals and failing in grades. The second... makes me feel good, but its not me. Its a lie and thats what important. The third... holds my heart in an inconsistent balance that sways all the rest... making some days just impossible to bear.
From today forward I am none of these three and I am just me. I'm tired of secrets and lies and running from the truth. Why do I do this to myself? All of my pride and honor... all my belief and love... where has it gotten me? The most important thing to me has always been to be true to myself, and thats exactly what I'm going to do. Tomorrow I will be me for the first time in months. I want to be natural and relaxed with this realization off my chest and everything I do from here forth wont be dodging corners around my own life.
I'm always so worried about everyone else... well for once I want happiness for myself too dammit!
In the last months I have mostly just affirmed my old beliefs... but there is one thing that stands out thinking more on it now: Life is not a fairy tale - No matter how much you wish it and pray with all your heart and soul, no force of God can change reality. Reality is forged by the strong of mind and heart. I have always been strong of heart... but love alone doesnt change the world. I realize this now for the first time. From now on I will be the one to go unafraid into the future and... I'm gonna be happy.
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| "Come on, come on
Spin a little tighter
Come on, come on
And the world's a little brighter
Come on, come on
Just get yourself inside her
Love ...I'm in love"
Dooo doo Dooobie dooo!!
Completely addicted to the video at the right 
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| Plato just hit me with a train.... A huge flood of... just amazing theory. It seems as if all of the dialogues up to this point were just building to this single theory. All those questions: What is happiness (eudaimonia), justice, skill (arete), wisdom (sophia), as well as the theories about responsibility and such... All were wonderful, but they all have been brought together in The Republic. We came across the theory of Forms yesterday in class. I think it took every aspect of life in an answered it all at once... It also explains Christian roots very well. Absolutely fascinating.
On top of all this wonderful theory, which I mostly agree with completely despite a few fallacies that were created merely to push forward to bigger topics, the most interresting thing to me is his motivation for writing... Plato saw the world as a place of ignorance, the lowest stage of life. His theory of Forms and its relationship to the training of a Philosopher-King argues that the most important thing in life is to break from the disillusionment provided by the material world and to focus on the eternal things from the world of Forms... which will ultimately lead to the road to true goodness.
The world of Forms is a direct parallel to the Christian heaven and the countless other variations through other religions... Plato seems to have invented the first concept of an afterlife. The 3 examples which Plato uses as proofs for the theory of Forms carry a lot of weight. First, the sun. In the world of material things, the world of "being", the sun is the most beautiful and at the same time makes it possible to view all other types of beauty. The sun is also a creator of material things. So the sun is the most important thing in the world of being, but it itself is a direct reflection of true beauty... True beauty is a tangible form that can only be conceived by the mind/intellect in the world of Forms. All other things that are beautiful have taken the essence of this greater, inconceivable beauty unto themselves.
The nature of true beauty applies directly into Plato's theory about true love. He says that true love is the result when people, naturally blind to true beauty and are prone more to the fake beauty of the realm of being recognize the true beauty of the realm of Forms in other people... even though it is still often mistaken for physical beauty and not transcendant beauty.
The Sun serves to explain the material world. The second proof is the line. By drawing a timeline one can perceive of all things in reality. The shorter of the spectrum contains all things in the world of being with a section at the end for all things that are mere immitations.... shadows and puppets. The rest of this end is for all concrete things... A flower. This is the world of belief - belief is ignorant and misguided, but explained by the natural world... without knowledge of the world of Forms, people live on without seeking more explanation. The next part of the line above the belief is the realm of Forms. The lower section of the line in this segment is for True Belief. True Belief is explained with Plato's example of teaching geometry to the child who had never seen it before. He referrences the hidden knowledge that all people are born with. True Belief is a realization of the truth, but without practice and exploration of this new realization, it is prone to fading and shifting, thus reverting back to ignorance... its a temporary look at the world of Forms, or a spiritual moment with God (depending on which culture you ask). Its a faith that doesnt last. The last segment of the line is the area of Knowledge. Knowledge is only attained through complete understanding of True Belief. With true Knowledge of the world of Forms, a complete person has the tools that a Philosopher-King needs. A Philosopher-King's arete requires the skillful use of all other skills in society and using them in a balanced and just way. He must have the courage and faith of other classes, yet do so logically (as key) to maintain balance. I believe that Pericles would be Plato's ideal example of this figure. After attaining true Knowledge, the end of the line example leads to true Goodness and understanding of all Forms (parallels to God) including the meaning of true beauty and the other virtues.
Christians apparently directly took Plato's theory and translated it... simplified it... Instead of years of study and introspection to reach this higher plane of enlightenment that is translated into heaven, all a Christian must do is believe in Jesus to have the same salvation.
The last proof is the example of the cave... sad but true. Once a person has realized the true nature of the Forms and attained knowledge he will be compelled to bring others to his plane of enlightenment. From this Plato constructed the story of the cave which has been recreated in countless forms over centuries:
The cave is a dark place deep in the ground with no light spare a single fire.in the center of an open chamber. At the far end of the chamber, humanity is chained facing the wall only seeing the reflection of the fire on the wall. Puppets are constructed to dance around the fire, thus casting shadows and making noise, which chained humanity perceives to be real people because they have never known anything else. Eventually one person will break his chains and turn to realize that the people he has imagined through his whole life are just puppets cast by the fire. He will spot a brighter light coming from a path upwards and follow it... as he rises in the cave, the light will grow brighter and brighter until he comes to the entrance. At first the light will be too much for him, but after much searching and practice he will grow accustomed to this new existence and eventually be able to venture forth from the cave entrance. Soon he will be able to fully look up and perceive the sun, brightest of all things, which represents true goodness and Knowledge. Upon attaining this wisdom, his inclination will lead him to free the rest of the imprisoned humanity who is still in the darkness.... Setting back down into the cave, he eventaully reaches the chained people who are still disillusioned by the dancing puppets. After telling them his story of the greater reality and truth beyond the chains, their reaction is incredible disbelief. After spending their entire lives knowing only the shadows of dancing figures, certainly there can be nothing else other than this... And that this prophet who has seen the greater light is certainly insane... The conclusion reached is that each person can only perceive the true goodness on their own and that nobody can hold their hand and guide them. Humanity has the blinders on, only able to see ahead of them into the narrow view of the future, but swimming against the stream and perceiving the greater truth of beauty, goodness, and virtue are the only ways to reach true knowledge.
So where am I on this grand scheme of humanity? Any thought that I may have about posessing Knowledge may simply be True Belief in disguise, or maybe I am simply just breaking the ground of the realm of Forms and venturing forth. How much of the truth still remains to be seen? Certainly consciousness of these theories of other realms is the first step in making progress towards goodness?
Humanity has been dealing with the same issues since the beginning, and Plato just proved this... his deep inquiry into the human experience... what it means to be human and where we are going... he was the first to chronicle these questions that would be asked again and again throughout all time. Have our answers changed at all? It seems that it is in the human experience to seek for more and more.. when you reach a plateau of understanding, the question is always "there certainly must be more than this...", so a search into the unknown begins. Every person seeks for happiness and understanding in their lives. Plato, Christianity, Communism... Philosophy, Religion, and Government... Every social construct is an opiate to these human needs. We try to build Philosopher-Kings who can balance the needs of each society, but one cannot simply create Philosopher-Kings... the cave proof explains that this path that can lead to true goodness and social growth can only be attained by yourself. Indeed, if a true Philosopher-King was to rule in a good state, namely democracy (believed to be imperfect, but by far greater than any other form - and excellent if led by a strong leader) the society would flourish in all ways and push towards peace as well as true knowledge. In human history, few periods have been closer to these perfect conditions than during the reign of Pericles (the Golden period of Ancient Greece in which Athens transcended and dominated the entire world and grew from a minor state into a world power that would never be forgotten for its countless contributions...) and also the period of the 5 Good Emperors, headed by Augustus and the 4 afterwards... a period of unprescedented peace and prosperity that benefitted not just Rome, but indeed the entire world... which certainly the world has never known again on such a massive scale.
The study of History is not merely to learn the timeline of the past, but to see the trends of humanity and thus come to understand how he have come to this one place in time. With greater study, one can ideally come to see the proofs of our culture as well as the influences of ancient customs in all cultures... understanding how we got where we are today is necessary to see where we will go tomorrow. As many ages pass, our technologies develop and our theories grow, but certainly our consciousness is always the same. Mankind has not changed in ideology since the very beginning - always in a struggle for identity and purpose, the great quest that leads to countless hero stories. The question is... what do we are individuals perceive of this state and where will we, each as a potential Philosopher-King, take it in our lifetimes?
I've barely scratched the surface of what I've learned... And I'm exhausted As I said at the beginning, its a heavy load. The weight on human shoulders is pretty great... The great challenge is to live as Truly and Honestly as you can seeking true goodness. Make your own destiny.
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| I'm a week into school now. Technically I'm a week late to write my summer's-end summary, which I've been writing for near 4 years now. I've been pondering what to write for a long time and nearly considered stopping this tradition. As many times as I have said this in the past, I have grown and changed and find myself with no use for this journal anymore except as a nostalgic reminder of times that have passed. It was only yesterday that I came across something to mention in this blog... something of so great importance that I was moved to formulate it into words... an act that, to me, makes my feelings undying and commemorates the occasion.
I've had an interesting week. I began rereading the Half Blood Prince and completed it within 4 days of light reading. Immediately upon completing it I rushed to the Santa Clara book store and bought the latest Deathly Hallows, which I had been postponing reading since I forced myself to recall the 6th before I embarked with the 7th. I opened the book and started reading... I didnt sleep until I finished it. Last night at 12:30 AM I finished what is the last of the 7 book series that J.K.Rowling started many years ago. As childish as it may sound, these are books that I have grown up with. The characters are not characters and any true fan would not call them such. The characters are friends that have grown as you have grown over the years. The issues that they have faced are issues that we all face... maybe not fighting dark wizards or boiling potions to improve your luck, but the real life issues.
I went to dinner tonight with my family and found myself surrounded changed because of the book. Although probably a temporary side-effect, I started seeing things in a different light. I viewed people and places in the ways in which Rowling might have written about them. It suddenly seemed that the worlds I had been dreaming about and my own world of reality were not very far apart.
As I read, I understood and participated in ways that I never had before. In the "final battle", if you will, I had goosebumps the whole time as heroes entered the fray. I was devastated and felt as if the world was ending, the same as Harry, when friends died. I began to hold many grudges as friends became enemies. I was filled so completely with happiness when Harry and Ginny talked of their love... I became giddy and completely intoxicated by these scenes especially. I also cried, more so than a book or movie has ever moved me previously.
We grew with these stories and in a way their struggle became our struggle. They learned about their lives and grew. We grew and learned along with them. At the end of this last book I found myself looking back and summarizing what I had seen and learned... What I had experiences when immersed in this story of love and loss, of good and evil, of magic and Muggles. As many things as I drew from this story... things that I wont soon forget and will certainly hold dear as a part of me... I also made another very important connection...
The stories were over. At the end, Rowling allowed us a break. There was no more guidance. We had all grown to a point where we had become adults and faced things that made us more aware and complete. Her choice of endings symbolizes this truth. We knew what would befall the characters in the story as the time passed... in the same way will we continue along a predictable road. Although our hands are not being held, the story is not dead and is with us in our hearts. Maybe we can make our own stories.
Harry Potter is a series that no person should be without. This will be something that I pass along to my kids, that I think they should have to grow with as well. I choose to write about this story not only because it has been a warming light in my life, but because within this story I have left a small piece of myself. I feel as if my real life is reflected through the eyes of the characters. I know that my feelings go with them. I am truly very sad to know that there will be no more stories, but have found within them a wonderful light that I will carry through my life to come.
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At last I found a way to continue my tradition. Anyone who knows me is used to my rambling reflections based around my usual themes. I had no inspiration until the conclusion to this book warmed me yesterday. I am glad that I found a way to lay down a memorial for this most important of stories and pages of my life as well as my feelings in the same few paragraphs.
Continuing into a new quarter... I have already found that most of my current classes will not allow me to skate through as before. For most of this year to come and the following for sure, I will have to apply the best of myself in order to continue to pass... Although actually doing homework, I have been reunited with many old friends with whom I had lost contact over the summer. I feel different this year... Made a prefect maybe? (I couldnt help it...) I feel slightly more grown and maybe a little more confident than usual.
This is my last week at Orchard Supply. I have decided that it is time to go partially because of the return of school, but also because of this gut feeling urging me forward. I will look for a new job, but definitely not lose contact with my friends at OSH who I already miss...
My topics for discussion are running dry. As usual, my head is swimming with thoughts, but not of my real life. If I eventually pull my head and heart from the clouds, maybe I could write a bit better eh? I have always felt as if the substance of myself is not what I do physically, even with a friends or a group, but what I share with them and how we grow together - the feelings and intent, not the action. My spirit has grown a lot, but that is not something that I can express as readily as I would like. It is for this reason that I now come to a close. Do not expect me back until Christmas... when I will be called by my strict loyalty to my own traditions to write a Holiday journal entry.
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